I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize