She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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