Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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