I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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