That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
