Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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