I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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