I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
