so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
