last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
