why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
