u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
