I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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