Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
