at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am available for nakedness
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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