erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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