don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
