i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
