If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
