I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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