May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
