I'm so fucking centered right now
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize