I puked a lego.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Someone stole a lamp last night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
