I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize