I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
