i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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