Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
