fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
