i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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