he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
