My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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