Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
