no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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