my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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