Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I will die if light touches me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
