also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
