So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
