I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
