I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
