I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
