her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
