we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
