and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize