Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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