don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
