my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
