She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize