i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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