Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
