i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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