Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
