My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
