i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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