My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
