what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
