I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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