I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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