Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
