i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
