Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
