I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize