I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
