I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
