My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize