we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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