we made out on top of his cat.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
