I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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