Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
