"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
