I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
