New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
