FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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