My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
