Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
