It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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