The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
