how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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