Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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