which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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