I am spending my child support on dildos
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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