I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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